Discovering parentage

These days families are always a bit confusing, and complicated. There are mixed families, adoptions, single-parents, foster families, and more. The variables are a big part of relationships being what they are. So, how do your relationships change if an adopted child, or an abandoned child discovers their true parentage? Discovering parentage can be a difficult experience, especially for the child and often for the parents.

The first thing to consider when it comes to discovering parentage is why parentage was unknown. Sometimes children are put up for adoption because the mother was single and could not handle the responsibility. Sometimes they are the product of a heinous situation, such as rape. Sometimes the parents are not capable of dealing with a child, sometimes there is death, or other circumstances. No matter the situation, there is usually a reason parentage is not known. Secrets can fester, and bad feelings can grow. So, when seeking out your parentage, find out if there was a good reason you were not told who your biological parents were. If it is a matter of your parents using an agency, and everything being handled anonymously, that is one thing, but if it is a secret, it might be best not to figure it out. Consider the consequences of unearthing a secret that has been buried for a long time.
The second thing to consider is why the child wanted to know the actual parentage in the first place. The reasons for wanting to know your biological parentage can range from needing to know your medical history, or needing a donor of something like a kidney, to simply wanting to discover yourself. What is your reason? If it is a matter of personal curiosity it is one thing. If you are suffering from a rare disease and need information about it, that is quite another. So, always ask yourself why, and what the consequences of those reasons may be.
The third thing to consider is what, if anything, will change by knowing your parentage. There are always consequences to asking questions. Find out if your life is going to be any better or worse for knowing, and what about the lives of others. Will knowing your parentage make any significant difference. Is knowing your parentage going to help you find closure? Is it going to mean seeking out your parent and spending money to track them down? You have to know if it is worth it, and what the consequences might be.
Discovering parentage can be a great way to find closure to something, or it can be a way of opening big wounds and problems. When seeking your true parentage, consider the feelings of your non-biological parents, and how they must feel at being in a sense "replaced" by someone who gave you up. Be careful that your need for answers does not jeopardize the relationships you have.