Making stepchildren feel accepted

When you have a family that is made up of stepchildren, and not first spouses, then it takes a little extra work to make your family feel like a true family. Sometimes it is easier to do the "your kids" versus "my kids" thing, but the fact is, it is better for the kids to feel accepted by both parents and have a complete family. So, what can you do to make stepchildren feel accepted?

Try the following:
1. Ask them to call you mom or dad. It is true that your stepchildren may not want to, and that it may feel awkward for them, but they are going to feel as though they are accepted if you ask them to do that. Do not force the issue, or try to replace their actual parent, but by letting them know you want to be there for them in the same way a parent would, they will feel far more accepted.
2. Treat them the same way you treat your kids. Do not show them special favor, or spoil your kids and not them, etc. Treating them differently in any way is going to make them feel like there is something different or wrong with them. No one wants to be treated differently than others, even if they like the perks of being treated better, they yearn to be treated the same. If you treat them equally to how you treat your kids, it will be as though they are your own, and that the true parentage really does not matter because you are making a go of creating a family out of the pieces of broken marriages.
3. Plan "family" activities. Help your stepchildren accepted by spending time with them as a family. Go on family vacations, have family nights, and do other family activities to reinforce the idea that you are a family, even if it is not a conventional one.
4. Love them. If you want to make your stepchildren feel accepted, they need to actually be accepted. It can be difficult to do this, especially if they are different from your own children, not as cute, if they have weird personalities, etc. However, your marriage and family will struggle if you can't find a way to accept and love your stepchildren as if they were your own. So, make efforts to focus on their positive attributes.
5. Be thoughtful when it comes to them. It is no easier for them to accept you as it is for you to accept them. So, remember their age, and that they may blame you for their family not being the same, and forgive that for the immaturity that it is. Instead, show them thoughtfulness and concern, whether they deserve it or not.
Making your stepchildren feel accepted is going to make your life better, and theirs. So, make the efforts, and wade through the difficult times together. Do what you can to help them accept you as well, no matter what age they are, or who they are. The more accepted they feel, the better off you both are.